{"id":4010,"date":"2021-10-06T17:51:30","date_gmt":"2021-10-06T06:51:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/edte.ch\/blog\/?p=4010"},"modified":"2022-09-30T17:01:08","modified_gmt":"2022-09-30T07:01:08","slug":"provocations-to-be-more-empathic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/edte.ch\/blog\/provocations-to-be-more-empathic\/","title":{"rendered":"Provocations To Be More Empathic"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Piece Together Moments of&nbsp;Truth<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>The word derives from Greek empatheia (from em- \u2018in\u2019+ pathos \u2018feeling\u2019)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Key Ideas<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>A moment of empathy<\/li><li>How to define empathy?<\/li><li>Children\u2019s books on empathy<\/li><li>An alternative view to challenge your thinking.<\/li><li>Empathy is an aggregate of personal stories and emotions.<\/li><li>The perspective from Daniel Goleman, the author of Emotional Intelligence.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Empathy: An Aggregate of Personal&nbsp;Truths<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>\u201cour capacity for empathy is as much the result of our experience and practice as it is of our genetic makeup.\u201d ~ Alisa Del Tufo<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I typically share a simple question:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>Is empathy a&nbsp;skill?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A closed question, so a simple one right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Maybe this question breaks those rules. It is simple in structure and yet beguilingly complex to ponder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Del Tufo answers it pretty well in my opinion. Our ability to empathise with others can be practised, the skill can be refined through the use of various tools and thinking frameworks to help us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">However, there is still something at a deeper level we rely upon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">During a school workshop, we discussed this very same question. Through our dialogue, we explored the concept that we could never completely understand what the experience and perspective are of someone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Walking in someone else\u2019s shoes is as elusive as someone walking in our own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">With only a partial understanding realistically within our grasp, we explored how empathy is perhaps more about forming an understanding that is closer to someone else\u2019s truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">However, the truth we create ourselves is likely to be an aggregate of our own experiences, thoughts and emotions. Our own truths.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>Empathy is an aggregate of our&nbsp;truths.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Del Tufo explains that <em>we learn empathy when we experience connectedness and surface shared values.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I think this occurs in small aggregated pieces, rarely do we have exactly the same experience to draw from, the complexity of our bias (and life) prohibits this in many ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/cdn-images-1.medium.com\/max\/600\/1*0oNoPJZ2RCFNJqDxH4fhsQ.jpeg\" alt=\"\"\/><figcaption>Image by <a href=\"https:\/\/pixabay.com\/users\/%E6%84%9A%E6%9C%A8%E6%B7%B7%E6%A0%AAcdd20-1193381\/?utm_source=link-attribution&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_campaign=image&amp;utm_content=5831278\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" target=\"_blank\">\u611a\u6728\u6df7\u682a&nbsp;Cdd20<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It is more a mosaic of experience we build that helps us connect with others, find common ground and shared values.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Against Empathy<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>How can we really claim to \u201cknow\u201d what another truly feels?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Do you think empathy is a skill? Is empathy something that can be taught? Can we design an empathy rich curriculum?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Let\u2019s explore an outlier\u2019s view. Paul Bloom explains in his book \u2018<em>Against Empathy<\/em>\u2019 that \u201c<em>kindness motivated by empathy often has bad effects.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p><em>\u201cgood parenting involves coping with the short-term suffering of your child\u201d. An over-identification with one\u2019s child\u2019s unhappiness can be disabling to both parent and child.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In the link below Salley Vickers explores the book further explaining that Paul Bloom:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p><em>pins his colours to the mast of rational compassion rather than empathy, and it is a central tenet of the book\u2019s argument\u200a\u2014\u200aI think a correct one\u200a\u2014\u200athat there exists confusion in people\u2019s minds about the meaning of the two terms.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Please use the article as a provocation to your understanding of compassion, empathy and sympathy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>A review of these two books by Salley Vickers. Well worth your time to explore these opposing views to the usual rhetoric about empathy in education.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/books\/2017\/feb\/06\/against-empathy-paul-bloom-the-empathy-instinct-peter-bazalgette-review\"><strong>Against Empathy by Paul Bloom; The Empathy Instinct by Peter Bazalgette &#8211; review<\/strong><br><\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/books\/2017\/feb\/06\/against-empathy-paul-bloom-the-empathy-instinct-peter-bazalgette-review\"><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/cdn-images-1.medium.com\/max\/800\/1*AVCAakF9GY2gJsMQYtPUDQ.jpeg\" alt=\"\"\/><figcaption>Image by <a href=\"https:\/\/pixabay.com\/users\/%E6%84%9A%E6%9C%A8%E6%B7%B7%E6%A0%AAcdd20-1193381\/?utm_source=link-attribution&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_campaign=image&amp;utm_content=4063346\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" target=\"_blank\">\u611a\u6728\u6df7\u682a&nbsp;Cdd20<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Empathic Concern<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Daniel Goleman, the author of Emotional Intelligence, offers some clarity here to navigate the confusion. He explains that there are three aspects of empathy:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p><em>The first kind, <\/em><strong><em>cognitive empathy<\/em><\/strong><em>, allows me to see the world through your eyes: to take your perspective and understand the mental models that make up your lens on events. The second kind, <\/em><strong><em>emotional empathy<\/em><\/strong><em>, means I feel what you are feel; this empathy gives us an instant felt sense of the other person\u2019s emotions.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p><em>It\u2019s the third kind, <\/em><strong><em>empathic concern<\/em><\/strong><em>, that leads us to care about the other person\u2019s welfare, to want to help them if they are in need. Empathic concern forms a basis for compassion.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In order to feel someone else\u2019s pain, I have to connect with memories and experiences I have had.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Goleman explains that this might mean we choose not to help others because <em>if your suffering makes me suffer, I can feel better by tuning out\u2026When we think of empathy as a spur to prosocial acts, it\u2019s empathic concern we have in mind.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In this short read, Daniel Goleman responds to the question: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.edge.org\/response-detail\/27176\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" target=\"_blank\">What scientific term or concept ought to be more widely known?<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Children\u2019s Books on&nbsp;Empathy<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p><em>Stories have the potential to be perspective portals.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Stories have the power to transport us into another world and another worldview. The list of children\u2019s books below is a good starting point for talking about empathy with young children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The list author is Tinybop, a US, Brooklyn-based studio creating educational products. Although I have not come across some of these books before, I like the sound of this one:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Just Because by Amber Housey. Part of the series Flip Side Stories, which aim to teach children to see another point of view, Just Because teaches children about the value of giving, being thankful, and having empathy for others.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A great little collection of books aimed at primary age children that you might use as a starting point for dialogue about how we feel with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/tinybop.com\/blog\/13-books-to-spark-conversations-about-empathy\"><strong>13 kids books to spark conversations about empathy<\/strong><br><\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/tinybop.com\/blog\/13-books-to-spark-conversations-about-empathy\"><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Moments of&nbsp;Empathy<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Design Thinking has a phase called empathy. But this is not something we switch on and off. It is certainly not something that is just a tick-a-box.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A deeper connection with people at the heart of a problem will likely yield a stronger commitment to figuring things out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">During a Design Thinking online workshop, I encouraged teachers to share a story. A story of a time when they felt out of place and challenged by a language or cultural barrier. These memories helped us to connect on a deeper level, with the experiences of students at the heart of their inquiry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p><em>It shifted the dialogue and our motivation to advocate.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We made meaning by connecting with our own experiences, memories and stories. This put us in a position to connect in a more meaningful way and understand more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It was a privilege to be part of that moment, so pure and clear, and to help a little in getting there. It is rare to share such a discrete moment of empathy that I can recount.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Hold the&nbsp;Space<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I stumbled on this quote from Bren\u00e9 Brown. Not sure why it had passed me by over the years, but my practice is better for this powerful articulation of what empathy is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p><em>Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It\u2019s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of \u2018You\u2019re not&nbsp;alone.\u2019<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/edte.ch\/media\/bc65af111a833cc48c137addeeaf1b7b\">https:\/\/edte.ch\/media\/bc65af111a833cc48c137addeeaf1b7b<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I had the chance to put it into practice straight away and wondered if I was overthinking how we \u201cdo it\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Thanks for exploring these ideas with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Your Talking&nbsp;Points<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Do we narrow our attention too much on our quest for \u2018more empathy\u201d?<\/li><li>Reflect on the clearest moment of empathy you have witnessed?<\/li><li>Reread Brown\u2019s quote. How might you apply the ideas in your own practice?<\/li><li>What will you do to withhold judgment or simply listen?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>This is a snippet of my <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/edte.ch\/blog\/newsletter\/\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><em>Dialogic Learning Weekly.<\/em><\/a><em> <\/em>\u26a1A weekly email designed to build your cognitive toolkit and enhance your practice. It saves you time and provokes your thinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p><strong><em>Exactly the nourishment I need on a weekly basis.<\/em><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>\u26a1\ufe0f <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/edte.ch\/blog\/newsletter\/\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><strong><em>Subscribe now<\/em><\/strong><\/a><em> <\/em>and get started this week.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Piece together moments of truth to improve your understanding and empathy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4011,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_wp_convertkit_post_meta":{"form":"-1","landing_page":"","tag":"0"},"footnotes":""},"categories":[951],"tags":[812,328,504,769,737,950],"class_list":["post-4010","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-empathy","tag-coaching","tag-design","tag-design-thinking-2","tag-empathy","tag-leadership","tag-listening","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/edte.ch\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4010","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/edte.ch\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/edte.ch\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/edte.ch\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/edte.ch\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4010"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/edte.ch\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4010\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/edte.ch\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4011"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/edte.ch\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4010"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/edte.ch\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4010"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/edte.ch\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4010"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}