Bumper rails
I am the bowling ball picking up speed. Misguided. Spinning. Curled up, heading towards a gutter, a crash.
Helen is the steady hand, the guiding rail. She redirects and corrects my course. Even when I am at my lowest, I am reminded of the support.
Who do you turn to when things begin to spin? How do you help others stick to the course and nudge them forwards?
One of the most common feelings we all experience is self-doubt. We’re always on edge, waiting for someone else to let us know they think what we do is a sham. It’s debilitating.
You may feel like you’re accomplishing a lot on your own, but there’s still that nagging doubt in your mind. Is this enough? Am I enough?
Friends and partners guide us forwards. Sometimes they coax, and sometimes they leave a footprint on our backside.
I have lost count of the number of times I have said, “I have a workshop today, and I feel anxious.” And the response has been positive, affirming, and uplifting.
Just enough to nudge me back on course.
“Turn towards the emotion with acceptance.”
From everything I read this week, this one sentence struck me. It was like a lightbulb moment. I realised that I needed to turn toward my emotions with acceptance.
This is my struggle.
When these emotions come up, I tend to push them away or try to ignore them.
You know that feeling when an emotion or response seems a mistake to suppress like something is broken.
But I am beginning to turn towards them with acceptance.
Once you become aware of your emotions, notice where it is in your body. You may feel it as a stomachache, a tightening of your throat, the pounding of your heart, or tension somewhere. Sit with this anger, anxiety, depression, grief, guilt, sadness, shame, or whatever emotion you are experiencing. Become aware of it and don’t ignore it. If this is difficult, get up and walk around or get a cup of tea.
From Six Steps to Mindfully Deal With Difficult Emotions | Toni Parker
I need to accept that these emotions are part of who I am. They are not a mistake, and they are not going away. I need to learn to deal with them healthily.
Something to explore. Work in progress. This phrase offers us clear direction.
See the potential in others.
Scan back to the first part of this week’s issue. Find the two questions I posed. Did you notice the switch I did?
From “Who do you turn to” to “How do you help others”. Let’s linger a moment longer on this shift in emphasis.
When I was teaching, I worked alongside a primary head who supported, encouraged and advocated for me.
I was restless for ideas and wanted to push against the way things were done. This leader enabled me and believed in my potential, even if I was unaware of it myself.
Leaders have the viewfinder to zoom out to notice potential sparks in people. If you have ever experienced this type of advocacy and support, you know it to be some of the most critical leadership dispositions.
You might be able to point to a decision that is tipped one way due to encouragement from a colleague.
- The presentation you completed because someone else imagined your success.
- A new job you secured because a school leader saw your potential and encouraged you to apply.
- The progress that was only possible because of the resources a leader helped you harness.
In all cases – whether grand or small in scale – the positive repercussions are significant.
At the most fundamental level, our relationships shift our perspective.
Where we see no opportunity, someone shows us a path.
When the emotion overwhelms and we spin towards the gutter, someone steadies our hand and guides us forward.
When self-doubt clouds our view, someone notices and shows us the strength to keep going.
Your Talking Points
Here are a few key takeaways:
- What does it feel like to be on the receiving end of supportive behaviour?
- What else helps you turn towards your emotions with acceptance?
- How do your relationships shift your perspective?