Last year I spent time with Dr Neil Hopkin the Principal of The British International School in Shanghai.
Within a plethora of expertise, he has been coaching for decades and I got the chance to absorb some wisdom about his approach to coaching. This is an area of continued growth for me, as I start to wrap some solid ideas around years of experience.
Neil spoke about the imperative of “practised non-judgmentalism” and how a coach uses this as the basis for their disposition. This resonated strongly with me and has been a phrase I keep coming back to.
It is always a privilege to be in a coaching space with teams or individuals. The idea of practised non-judgmentalism signals to me the importance of taking an open disposition to what you might experience together.
If I were to pre-empt an idea or a course of action, or to offer a judgement too soon, that might close off a story or a trail of thought. There is a strong association between judgement and closure.
But if my demeanour and default disposition are non-judgmental than we remain open to potential ideas, we stay open to new pathways and we allow stories to be shared more freely.
Another benefit for the listener in taking this approach is clarity. It would be clear what I would have to do. I would sit with you and simply focus my effort on understanding and listening. My energy and thoughts are not taken up grappling with a judgement – as that imposes on your story.
I think this benefits from being intentional, explicitly stated and practised. Our brains will naturally drift to judgement if we don’t.
The reason non-judgment is used is because left alone, the brain will automatically judge things as good or bad, right or wrong, fair or unfair, important or unimportant, urgent or non-urgent and so on. This happens so fast that our experiences are automatically colored right when we get to them, so mindfulness is about being aware of that and taking a fresh perspective.
(Taken from What Is Non-Judgmental Awareness, Anyway? by Elisha Goldstein)
Another benefit is that this approach, practised non-judgmentalism, requires us to also practise being present. We cannot be drawn to other things, we focus on the interaction we are in and our own listening.
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