Create the space for dialogue
This week I have been reflecting on what it takes to be present.
One of the four cornerstones of my collaborative standards is the protocol, 聽 Ting . This is simply the traditional Chinese character ‘聽 ting’ for listening. The different parts of the character help us think about body language, undivided attention, and purposefully listening.
Coaching is unique because no two coaching conversations are ever the same. Each individual brings their unique perspective to the table.
This makes coaching so interesting – every interaction is an opportunity for learning and growth. Each person has their own story, which shapes how they view the world. Their perspective is their truth.
As a coach, it is essential to be aware of these differences and find a way to balance structure with flexibility, process with responsiveness. In this week’s issue, we explore some of the dialogic nuances together.
It is worth noting, dear reader, this is an exploration in real-time. I will reflect and let my curiosity guide me, and my writing will lead me to clarity.
Part of me has consistently pushed back against too much process and structure in coaching dialogue. This might come as a surprise to those who know me or have experienced facilitation with me. But facilitation is different in that it is bound by limited time and resourcing.
When there is scarcity, we need more constraint, which you might see as a contradiction, but every second needs to be designed when every second counts. Coaching dialogue at best is a co-created experience over an extended timeframe.
There are days when I feel like I need more space to be with my coaching client’s story. To hear them out, explore their experience and help them find meaning in what they are saying.
I need to bring more structure and focus to the conversation on other days. To explore specific topics, set goals and create action plans. In some coaching moments, structure interjects delicately via a phrase that corrals a fleeting set of swirling ideas.
It can be a delicate balance, but it is worth paying attention to. As coaches, we need to be aware of our style and approach and the needs of our clients. Find a way to balance structure with flexibility, process with responsiveness. Only then can we find what each coaching conversation needs.
I strive to value every individual’s story. I might explore the same ideas or topics from one coaching conversation to the next. We might discuss the challenges of leading a team, building consensus or developing a strategy. But the person opposite me comes to those ideas very differently. Their path to this moment is always going to be unique.
I can’t assume that I know their perspective. I can only explore it with them by asking questions, listening deeply and being curious about their experience. Only then can I hope to understand their truth. And in doing so, help them find clarity and meaning in their own story.
It is their perspective, and it is their truth. In coaching, we might explore different versions of the truth, but ultimately it is up to the individual to decide what they believe.
As coaches, we need to be aware of our biases and assumptions. We all have them, and they will show up in our coaching conversations. The best we can do is be mindful of them and hold space for different perspectives.
When we are curious about our coaching clients’ experiences, we can learn so much. It is only then that we can truly understand their unique perspective.
It is a privilege to be part of someone’s journey, and I take that responsibility very seriously.
We explored the value of slowing down during some recent team leadership coaching. The pace and demands on all school staff at the moment is very high.
Coaching sessions can benefit from working at a pace appropriate to reflective thinking and perspective-shifting.
As I was inviting the school leaders to change gears, I heard myself explain what a more considered pace might offer:
We slow down
These are all worthy goals. When we operate with too much haste, it is hard to see anything clearly. Our thoughts and reactions become automated, and we can lose touch with our intuition. We might also lose sight of the people around us.
When we slow down, we have a chance to connect with what is happening in the moment. To be present. To see and feel the world more fully.
Let’s turn some of this into some next steps and clear-talking points for further dialogue and reflection:
Complement this issue with additional thoughts from the blog:
How to Build Better Relationships ⟶
A Coaches Guide To Action Planning That Works ⟶
Upgrade Your Mirror: The Power of Reflexive Thinking ⟶
Counter Wooden-Headedness and Break Your Echo Chambers ⟶
Create the Ideal Conditions for Coaching and Professional Growth ⟶
Thanks for taking a moment to join me this week – drop me an email at tom@dialogiclearning.com to connect and say hi. Or you can connect with me on Twitter > @tombarrett.
So much talk is wasted. I’m curious about the transition from coaching dialogue to action and progress. I wonder what distinguishes successful action and goal setting from ineffective token gestures, gauzy accountability and flimsy impact.
There is a moment during mentoring or coaching when dialogue leads to the next steps. Everything you explore is in motion towards an action plan like the dialogic landscape tips us towards what’s next. A critical shift in the dialogue because nothing matters unless we change our behaviour.
We have explored lots of ideas together — what feels like something you might implement the next time this happens?
Dialogue may create new ideas and a shared understanding, but to apply the change or next step is why we come together. Yes, there is value in the talk, and sometimes the dialogue soothes and nourishes. But the threshold looms, and we need to step back again into the fast-flowing river of our day. It is easy for plans to get washed away from us.
As your session concludes, you move from one type of thinking to another. The developmental conversation is exploratory — coaching is an emergent space. But this safe space for emerging ideas needs the complementary thinking of action setting, making plans and deciding what to try next is convergent thinking.
I use a version of these two questions to close my coaching sessions.
What’s a key takeaway for you?
Describe your next step.
We sift the ideas for the most likely to have the impact we want. This commitment often happens quickly, which is an indicator the dialogue was well balanced. However, it is also OK when it is tougher to see what to do next.
It is no surprise that we often experience the most precise insights in the last few moments of a coaching session. Dots get connected — talk shifts from ideas to plans.
This shift from ideas to plans also happens when we give feedback and critique to our students. Only the time available to us is much more compressed. The dynamic is still comparable.
We talk about what new ideas might look like and describe the next step. Feedback occurs in various ways: through written comments, a short verbal exchange or more extended conference.
In this way, coaching is an extended critique or feedback loop.
But what makes the most significant difference in those last steps to take action and change? What attributes of talk and the agreed actions help a person to implement those changes?
From my teaching and learning experience, coaching and facilitation fall into three categories: Agency, Precision and Systems.
Let’s have a look at each of these in more detail.
We need the latitude to take action. There is no point in showing intent, setting activities and committing to next steps that are unrealistic.
In preparing the ground for change, we must know our capacity and constraints.
What’s the point in sharing feedback with a student if there is no time to do anything with it?
Whose action is it anyway? If someone is to shift their thinking, behaviour and actions, the ownership has to be authentic. If a teacher or coach crafts the next step with zero input, it just feels like another thing to do. This is likely to lead to dependence on the coach or teacher, learned helplessness.
Responsibility tracks back to ideas and new tactics that emerge from dialogue, not just in the ‘Describe your next step’ phase.
If I give you advice and it fails, you will blame me. I have traded my advice for your responsibility, and that is seldom a good deal. ~ John Whitmore
The notion of a trade resonates with me. I am always treading the line between stepping up and stepping back.
One aspect is always true: I can’t do it for you. As a coach, I don’t take responsibility for your actions or your emotions.
When the rest of your life smacks you in the face, sometimes you need a person in your corner to send you back in. An accountability partner or coach is a person to remind you and keep you on course.
Accountability is the reminder of what your past self committed to. This might be:
We celebrate progress and the change in increments too.
When change happens, we have to be able to stop and smell the roses. This catches me out, and I often look for the next thing. But we gain so much from closing the loop and noticing the impact of our actions.
You might ask:
Over time this improves action setting due to the affirmation and positive reflection that you normalise. We are more satisfied with closed loops than open ones. Each slight hunch is a test, and this type of experience encourages more experimentation.
We are more likely to take action and do something with feedback when we know what it is. When we get general comments, the intent is unclear.
Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind. ~ Brené Brown
If you step away from a coaching conversation for a few days, our recall accuracy will decrease. This inaccuracy is made worse with general actions, so we must focus on precision in action setting.
There are a couple of attributes we need to incorporate to increase precision. When, where and who.
How long has it been since you set the action? What is the time lag till your opportunity to try something new?
When you watch sports coaching, you notice the importance of repetitions. My son played tennis for many years, and the lag between formative critique from his coach and the next shot was short.
Next time, I want you to move your feet quicker, smaller steps.
The acquisition of skills on the path to mastery is a repetition of these tiny loops.
In tennis practice, the next chance to adjust a skill is quick and just over the net. In dialogic coaching, we have to plan for the next opportunity to apply a new idea.
Effective feedback occurs during the learning, while there is still time to act on it. ~ Jan Chappuis, p. 36
We increase precision in the action setting by expressing when the next available opportunity might occur. We move from this type of commitment:
In the next few weeks, I will find a time to use protocols at the start of a meeting.
to
Start next Tuesday’s Y9 parent workshop with some expectations and meeting protocols.
An added benefit of this precision is that my follow up can be just as precise.
‘Great I will drop you a note on Wednesday to check-in.’
We need an exact scenario or landing zone for the new idea to build further precision in our action setting.
We aim to anchor our intent to a precise moment in the future.
You will notice from the previous example we moved from at the start of a meeting and the slippery In the next few weeks I will find a time to:
Start next Tuesday’s Y9 parent workshop with some expectations and meeting protocols.
The start of the workshop is the landing zone. It is the next opportunity. We might tune this action up even further by seeking precision about which protocols they might try.
It is worth noting we want to create some flexibility too. In this example, the person setting the action has room to manoeuvre and be creative with what protocols seem to fit.
A third attribute is an audience involved in the action. Who are you helping? Who is involved?
Connection to people helps us to add further accountability beyond the coaching and feedback loop. We can gain valuable feedback from this audience and understand the immediate result of our actions.
In our example, we identified the Y9 parent audience, but this might also be our peers who witness this work.
We might ask:
Who could you share this action with from your team to help you reflect? Who can sit back and notice the impact of this action and offer you some critique? How will you get some feedback about the protocols from the parents?
All of these clarifying questions fine-tune the action to suit the people we want to help and increase precision,
We will be more effective at setting actions when we consider our impact at a system level.
Consider your perspective and how dialogue zooms out at the right moments to take in the broader vista.
When I think about precision, which we are trying to increase, I relate it with accuracy, which is only a tiny lexical leap to narrow.
Increase precision and system awareness. Precision without system awareness will lead to alleyways of change and isolated growth.
Shifting perspectives is the great challenge of self-improvement and holistic development. To balance the precise actions with a broader lens on the systems we belong to.
Scott Adams, the creator of the Dilbert cartoon, explains the limits of goal setting.
Goals are better than acting randomly, obviously. But goals are limiting in the sense that there might be far better outcomes you don’t foresee. ~ Scott Adams
We might use fuzzy goals to counter this. They provide a direction of travel, and the precise actions we set creates momentum.
Fuzzy goals must give a team a sense of direction and purpose while leaving team members free to follow their intuition. ~ Dave Gray
Fuzzy goals, responsive action setting and course corrections respond to the available information. They balance a sense of direction and freedom to explore.
The process of moving toward the goal is also a learning process, sometimes called successive approximation. As the team learns, the goals may change, so it’s important to stop every once in awhile and look around. Fuzzy goals must be adjusted, and sometimes completely changed, based on what you learn as you go.
Effective action setting connects with a general compass point or bearing (goal) — but they do not limit us to explore off the trail.
An essential attribute of Fuzzy Goal setting is the flexibility to adapt in response to change. As soon as we take action, the context and perspective have shifted.
Effective action planning and coaching are responsive to these changing conditions. Here is Scott Adams again; this time, he guides us to think bigger.
Your best bet is to have a system for acquiring new and complementary skills over your lifetime while always looking for better opportunities. It’s analogous to diversifying your investments. Having a single goal is like putting all of your money in one stock; it might work out, but the odds aren’t great.
Here is James Clear with some further thoughts on the value of systems, not just goals.
goals are good for planning your progress and systems are good for actually making progress. Goals can provide direction and even push you forward in the short term, but eventually, a well-designed system will always win. Having a system is what matters. Committing to the process is what makes the difference.
But what do they mean by a system? An example from James Clear.
If you’re a musician, your goal might be to play a new piece. Your system is how often you practice, how you break down and tackle difficult measures, and your method for receiving feedback from your instructor.
Let’s have a go at this for some different roles in an education setting:
If you are a Year 6 teacher, your goal might be to improve the quality of feedback you provide for writing in English. Your system is how often you practice, the professional learning you can draw from, the teams of colleagues working with you, the networks you tap into for inspiration, and your understanding of what works in your context.
If you are a school leader, your goal is to improve your strategic planning and development. Your system is how often you practice, the team you collaborate with, the models of effective practice you engage with, the process of change, the feedback loops you establish, the ways you increase your empathy and connection to the community.
If you are a Year 10 student, your goal is to get to the holidays and get through another week of zooms. Your system is the connections you maintain with your friends, the counteracting joy you get from play, the way you organise your tasks for this final week, the reliance on the teachers you connect with the most.
In this context, Scott Adams and James Clear refer to a personal development system made of many facets. Over time a system approach is likely to be more resilient than a single narrow A to B goal, to the changing nature of our environment.
To improve the likelihood of action, we need to align the next step to the existing system. Innovation theory is analogous to taking action after a coaching session.
In the diffusion theory, Everett Rogers explains that Compatability is a characteristic that innovation needs to succeed.
the degree to which the innovation is perceived as being consistent with existing values, past experiences, and needs of potential adopters. An innovation must be considered socially acceptable to be implemented. And some innovations require much time and discussion before they become socially acceptable.
Let us head back into that Year 9 Parent workshop for a moment. The action that we set was:
Start next Tuesday’s Y9 parent workshop with some expectations and meeting protocols.
Is this compatible with the existing system? What typically happens in a parent workshop? Does this align with the experience of the audience? How likely is this idea to be accepted by the group of parents? How can we adapt our actions and ambition?
These are all helpful questions to consider as we establish the following steps and on reflection afterwards. They help us to ground our ideas for change in the reality of our context.
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Coaching is often characterised by emergent thinking, exploring options and new pathways. It is a potent mix when we balance this safe dialogue and the co-design of actions with more agency, precision, and system connections.
This quote from Marie Forleo resonates.
Clarity comes from action, not thought.
Marie Forleo
Yes, immerse yourself in dialogue and coaching, but eventually, you have to have the courage to act.
It might only need a few seconds of courage, but acting with intent will help you learn and grow.
This is a spillover from my Dialogic Learning Weekly. ⚡ A weekly email designed to build your cognitive toolkit and enhance your practice. It saves you time and provokes your thinking.
Exactly the nourishment I need on a weekly basis.
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Thanks to 愚木混株 Cdd20 for the illustrations.
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It excites me to renew and establish new coaching partnerships for 2021 and 2022. I love to meet people where they are at and use dialogue to support their growth in:
Over the next few weeks, I will confirm the private coaching partnerships for the next 12 months or so.
If you think I could be a good fit for you* I have limited capacity, so please complete this short form, and get in touch for a chat. ↓ Click the link.
*By the way, your choice is all-important. After reading multiple weekly emails, I know you will have noticed my style. That thinking approach is what we would do together.
Some more factors to consider about coaching in my article here.
Next week I am running another Speaker Series session for the Apple Education community. These short provocation talks are followed up with small group dialogue sessions that you can opt into afterwards.
My third session is all about thinking routines and frameworks to shift perspectives. Come and join us, the session is open to all. Details and registration here ⟶ Shifting Perspectives for Better Thinking and Dialogue
Phil Carew invited me to the latest GEG session, where I shared a twenty-minute talk on Feedback Strategies. I explored a couple of strategies in depth and looked at the different elements of the critique dynamic.
You can jump to my talk from about 12:30 into the video below.
To start my week, I spent some time in dialogue with Dr Jo Winchester, Deputy Head of Education at the Australian Catholic University.
Jo creates a show called Teaching Heroes — I am not sure I am in that category, but it was great to talk about my approach to partnerships, not projects and some other topics:
Dialogic Learning is the name of my education consultancy business. It has been a challenging time for small businesses and independent consultants. There is so much uncertainty and constraint.
I have mapped new business pathways over the next 12 months. Looking ahead, I have chosen to focus on the development of:
By the way, this is me being open and public about strategy. You are an integral part of my journey, and I am excited to create more opportunities to connect and learn with you.
If you have any ideas, comments or feedback I would be grateful to hear it. Just hit reply!
A strategy is only really a strategy if people in the organisation alter their behaviour as a result ~ Freek Vermeulen
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Thanks for joining me this week — I will leave you with this.
I have been writing and sharing at a higher rate at the moment. This set of illustrations about imposter syndrome struck a chord.
This is a snippet of my Dialogic Learning Weekly. ⚡A weekly email designed to build your cognitive toolkit and enhance your practice. It saves you time and provokes your thinking.
Exactly the nourishment I need on a weekly basis.
⚡️ Subscribe now and get started this week.
One of the features of dialogic coaching is the sharing of ideas. If we were in a session, you would notice I don’t sit back — if I have ideas and there is space for them, I step up and explore them together. These are often just signs of my curiosity.
Dialogic coaching is about learning through dialogue — an important distinction between mentoring, facilitative coaching or consulting.
Here David Bohm paints an image of meaning flowing between us.
“Dialogue” comes from the Greek word dialogos. Logos means “the word,” or in our case we would think of the “meaning of the word.” And dia means “through” — it doesn’t mean “two.” The picture or image that this derivation suggests is of a stream of meaning flowing among and through us and between us.
I spend the majority of my coaching in this stream. Let’s see what that means if you were also getting your feet wet in a session with me.
⟶ We participate as equals and share the thinking space — we create a better understanding by sharing ideas and thinking aloud.
⟶ I don’t sit back — if I have ideas and space for them, I step up and explore them together. Far from a fixed answer, these are often just signs of my curiosity.
⟶ We work the challenge together — I understand the need for responsibility in coaching, and you might need a support partner to work things out.
⟶ Someone to bounce off — coaching with me is a creative process often involving problem-solving. We bounce ideas and questions off each other.
⟶ I guide you to action — we surface new insights during coaching. I believe clarity comes from action. You commit to the next steps. I hold you accountable. Repeat.
⟶ The stream of meaning reflects how we change — we consider the process and reflect on what works. We look up and downstream. Understanding how we grow and develop is essential.
