Create the space for dialogue
This week I have been reflecting on what it takes to be present.
One of the four cornerstones of my collaborative standards is the protocol, 聽 Ting . This is simply the traditional Chinese character ‘聽 ting’ for listening. The different parts of the character help us think about body language, undivided attention, and purposefully listening.
Coaching is unique because no two coaching conversations are ever the same. Each individual brings their unique perspective to the table.
This makes coaching so interesting – every interaction is an opportunity for learning and growth. Each person has their own story, which shapes how they view the world. Their perspective is their truth.
As a coach, it is essential to be aware of these differences and find a way to balance structure with flexibility, process with responsiveness. In this week’s issue, we explore some of the dialogic nuances together.
It is worth noting, dear reader, this is an exploration in real-time. I will reflect and let my curiosity guide me, and my writing will lead me to clarity.
Part of me has consistently pushed back against too much process and structure in coaching dialogue. This might come as a surprise to those who know me or have experienced facilitation with me. But facilitation is different in that it is bound by limited time and resourcing.
When there is scarcity, we need more constraint, which you might see as a contradiction, but every second needs to be designed when every second counts. Coaching dialogue at best is a co-created experience over an extended timeframe.
There are days when I feel like I need more space to be with my coaching client’s story. To hear them out, explore their experience and help them find meaning in what they are saying.
I need to bring more structure and focus to the conversation on other days. To explore specific topics, set goals and create action plans. In some coaching moments, structure interjects delicately via a phrase that corrals a fleeting set of swirling ideas.
It can be a delicate balance, but it is worth paying attention to. As coaches, we need to be aware of our style and approach and the needs of our clients. Find a way to balance structure with flexibility, process with responsiveness. Only then can we find what each coaching conversation needs.
I strive to value every individual’s story. I might explore the same ideas or topics from one coaching conversation to the next. We might discuss the challenges of leading a team, building consensus or developing a strategy. But the person opposite me comes to those ideas very differently. Their path to this moment is always going to be unique.
I can’t assume that I know their perspective. I can only explore it with them by asking questions, listening deeply and being curious about their experience. Only then can I hope to understand their truth. And in doing so, help them find clarity and meaning in their own story.
It is their perspective, and it is their truth. In coaching, we might explore different versions of the truth, but ultimately it is up to the individual to decide what they believe.
As coaches, we need to be aware of our biases and assumptions. We all have them, and they will show up in our coaching conversations. The best we can do is be mindful of them and hold space for different perspectives.
When we are curious about our coaching clients’ experiences, we can learn so much. It is only then that we can truly understand their unique perspective.
It is a privilege to be part of someone’s journey, and I take that responsibility very seriously.
We explored the value of slowing down during some recent team leadership coaching. The pace and demands on all school staff at the moment is very high.
Coaching sessions can benefit from working at a pace appropriate to reflective thinking and perspective-shifting.
As I was inviting the school leaders to change gears, I heard myself explain what a more considered pace might offer:
We slow down
These are all worthy goals. When we operate with too much haste, it is hard to see anything clearly. Our thoughts and reactions become automated, and we can lose touch with our intuition. We might also lose sight of the people around us.
When we slow down, we have a chance to connect with what is happening in the moment. To be present. To see and feel the world more fully.
Let’s turn some of this into some next steps and clear-talking points for further dialogue and reflection:
Complement this issue with additional thoughts from the blog:
How to Build Better Relationships ⟶
A Coaches Guide To Action Planning That Works ⟶
Upgrade Your Mirror: The Power of Reflexive Thinking ⟶
Counter Wooden-Headedness and Break Your Echo Chambers ⟶
Create the Ideal Conditions for Coaching and Professional Growth ⟶
Thanks for taking a moment to join me this week – drop me an email at tom@dialogiclearning.com to connect and say hi. Or you can connect with me on Twitter > @tombarrett.
This week I learned about the Pacific concept of “talanoa”. This is storytelling that leads to consensus-building and decision-making. It is a collective or community intelligence process deeply rooted in the Pacific way of life.
With parallels to Australian Aboriginal yarning and Hawaiian talkstory, talanoa is a conversational mode of storying through which knowledge is developed, collected and transmitted. It is at home in Tonga, Samoa, Fiji and elsewhere.
When we story, we embody our social self and deepen our connections in a dialogical universe. We know we are in a safe space.
Talking about tok stori | DLProg.
The informal process starts with someone sharing a story, and then others in the group add to it. This continued storytelling helps build relationships, create empathy and understanding, and develop consensus. As the stories are shared, they also teach values, traditions, and customs.
Let’s explore how the concept and process of talanoa apply to leadership, learning and innovation.
To lead effectively, you need to build relationships and develop consensus. You also need to be able to understand and empathise with those that you are leading. The process of talanoa can help leaders do just that.
It helps you build relationships, understand different viewpoints, and develop a shared understanding. This can then lead to effective decision-making and problem-solving.
Here are some helpful guiding questions and ideas:
Talanoa is a process for learning. It encourages collaboration and the sharing of knowledge. It also helps to build deeper listening, relationships and develop empathy.
It makes me think about narrative pedagogies and how story is a mechanism for learning. In the same way, we think of the facets of learning assessment (for, as and of), we can learn from stories differently.
We learn from stories; storying can be the learning process and the vehicle to reflect on our experience.
I am curious to apply talanoa and other storying mechanisms in my workshops.
I have been supporting primary teachers as they navigate a practitioner inquiry that uses design thinking. Storying has emerged as a critical feature of their innovative work.
A couple of insights surfaced.
A further reflection is how stories and storying might help people access new ideas. Make sure you have a story to tell about your innovation — this will be critical for marketing and scaling your work.
Complement this issue with some Atomic Essays:
Make Meetings Simple ⟶
How to create the ideal conditions for dialogue, creativity and feedback ⟶
Use This Question At The Start of Your Next Meeting to Increase Empathy and Connection ⟶
And some longer articles:
Dialogic Coaching ⟶
The Difference between Dialogue and Discussion ⟶
‘Let’s have a yarn’ — empower every voice in your group ⟶
Thanks for taking a moment to join me this week — drop me an email at tom@dialogiclearning.com to connect and say hi. Or you can connect with me on Twitter > @tombarrett.
Appreciative Inquiry (AI) is a model of positive change that asks questions about what is going “right” instead of what is going “wrong”.
Appreciative Inquiry was developed in the mid-1980s by David Cooperrider at Case Western Reserve University, and Suresh Srivastva, professor emeritus of Organisational Behaviour at Weatherhead School of Management.
They saw an opportunity to approach challenges in business organisations differently, and AI has since been applied to social, business, education, government and other settings.
A typical Appreciative Inquiry design (called the 4D cycle of Appreciative Inquiry) would have four stages.
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The diagram above is from this excellent post about Appreciative Inquiry by Cathy Sharp, Belinda Dewar and Karen Barrie.
Appreciative Inquiry focuses on what an organisation desires most in the future — its possibilities for excellence—in contrast with concentrating attention on past problems or difficulties.
Collaboratively identifying valued aspects of current reality transforms the present situation and shared meaning about past practices.
The process encourages participants to dialogue around shared aspirations rather than debate over differences and conflicts; it thus lays the groundwork for constructive action rather than unproductive argumentation.There is no single AI method. AI is essentially a set of core principles that claim to change existing patterns of conversation and ways of relating, and give voice to new and diverse perspectives to expand what can be possible.
Ludema, Cooperrider and Barrett, 2001.
If you want to dig deeper into the core principles, I recommend the post linked above: Forming new futures through appreciative inquiry
A practical example of Appreciative Inquiry that I know you will find helpful, is the Caring Conversations framework. This was developed in a healthcare study from 2008 that explored compassionate care in an acute care setting for older people.
The emphasis of the study was to support the development of relational capacity – a critical component of our work in education too.
The CCF comprises 7 key attributes that guide people to have conversations that are courageous, connect people emotionally, foster curiosity, consider other perspectives, facilitate collaboration, compromise and celebrate what works well.
Caring Conversations (CC) is a flexible practice framework that applies Appreciative Inquiry. It supports practitioners in facilitating generative, appreciative, and relational capacities.
This includes the ‘7Cs’ – seven attributes to promote appreciative, caring conversations. The 7Cs model is a lovely tool for organising our talk, discussion and perhaps dialogue.
The self-reflective questions below were developed in the published study – ref: Table 5 p25.
People vector created by pch.vector - www.freepik.com
So much talk is wasted. I’m curious about the transition from coaching dialogue to action and progress. I wonder what distinguishes successful action and goal setting from ineffective token gestures, gauzy accountability and flimsy impact.
There is a moment during mentoring or coaching when dialogue leads to the next steps. Everything you explore is in motion towards an action plan like the dialogic landscape tips us towards what’s next. A critical shift in the dialogue because nothing matters unless we change our behaviour.
We have explored lots of ideas together — what feels like something you might implement the next time this happens?
Dialogue may create new ideas and a shared understanding, but to apply the change or next step is why we come together. Yes, there is value in the talk, and sometimes the dialogue soothes and nourishes. But the threshold looms, and we need to step back again into the fast-flowing river of our day. It is easy for plans to get washed away from us.
As your session concludes, you move from one type of thinking to another. The developmental conversation is exploratory — coaching is an emergent space. But this safe space for emerging ideas needs the complementary thinking of action setting, making plans and deciding what to try next is convergent thinking.
I use a version of these two questions to close my coaching sessions.
What’s a key takeaway for you?
Describe your next step.
We sift the ideas for the most likely to have the impact we want. This commitment often happens quickly, which is an indicator the dialogue was well balanced. However, it is also OK when it is tougher to see what to do next.
It is no surprise that we often experience the most precise insights in the last few moments of a coaching session. Dots get connected — talk shifts from ideas to plans.
This shift from ideas to plans also happens when we give feedback and critique to our students. Only the time available to us is much more compressed. The dynamic is still comparable.
We talk about what new ideas might look like and describe the next step. Feedback occurs in various ways: through written comments, a short verbal exchange or more extended conference.
In this way, coaching is an extended critique or feedback loop.
But what makes the most significant difference in those last steps to take action and change? What attributes of talk and the agreed actions help a person to implement those changes?
From my teaching and learning experience, coaching and facilitation fall into three categories: Agency, Precision and Systems.
Let’s have a look at each of these in more detail.
We need the latitude to take action. There is no point in showing intent, setting activities and committing to next steps that are unrealistic.
In preparing the ground for change, we must know our capacity and constraints.
What’s the point in sharing feedback with a student if there is no time to do anything with it?
Whose action is it anyway? If someone is to shift their thinking, behaviour and actions, the ownership has to be authentic. If a teacher or coach crafts the next step with zero input, it just feels like another thing to do. This is likely to lead to dependence on the coach or teacher, learned helplessness.
Responsibility tracks back to ideas and new tactics that emerge from dialogue, not just in the ‘Describe your next step’ phase.
If I give you advice and it fails, you will blame me. I have traded my advice for your responsibility, and that is seldom a good deal. ~ John Whitmore
The notion of a trade resonates with me. I am always treading the line between stepping up and stepping back.
One aspect is always true: I can’t do it for you. As a coach, I don’t take responsibility for your actions or your emotions.
When the rest of your life smacks you in the face, sometimes you need a person in your corner to send you back in. An accountability partner or coach is a person to remind you and keep you on course.
Accountability is the reminder of what your past self committed to. This might be:
We celebrate progress and the change in increments too.
When change happens, we have to be able to stop and smell the roses. This catches me out, and I often look for the next thing. But we gain so much from closing the loop and noticing the impact of our actions.
You might ask:
Over time this improves action setting due to the affirmation and positive reflection that you normalise. We are more satisfied with closed loops than open ones. Each slight hunch is a test, and this type of experience encourages more experimentation.
We are more likely to take action and do something with feedback when we know what it is. When we get general comments, the intent is unclear.
Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind. ~ Brené Brown
If you step away from a coaching conversation for a few days, our recall accuracy will decrease. This inaccuracy is made worse with general actions, so we must focus on precision in action setting.
There are a couple of attributes we need to incorporate to increase precision. When, where and who.
How long has it been since you set the action? What is the time lag till your opportunity to try something new?
When you watch sports coaching, you notice the importance of repetitions. My son played tennis for many years, and the lag between formative critique from his coach and the next shot was short.
Next time, I want you to move your feet quicker, smaller steps.
The acquisition of skills on the path to mastery is a repetition of these tiny loops.
In tennis practice, the next chance to adjust a skill is quick and just over the net. In dialogic coaching, we have to plan for the next opportunity to apply a new idea.
Effective feedback occurs during the learning, while there is still time to act on it. ~ Jan Chappuis, p. 36
We increase precision in the action setting by expressing when the next available opportunity might occur. We move from this type of commitment:
In the next few weeks, I will find a time to use protocols at the start of a meeting.
to
Start next Tuesday’s Y9 parent workshop with some expectations and meeting protocols.
An added benefit of this precision is that my follow up can be just as precise.
‘Great I will drop you a note on Wednesday to check-in.’
We need an exact scenario or landing zone for the new idea to build further precision in our action setting.
We aim to anchor our intent to a precise moment in the future.
You will notice from the previous example we moved from at the start of a meeting and the slippery In the next few weeks I will find a time to:
Start next Tuesday’s Y9 parent workshop with some expectations and meeting protocols.
The start of the workshop is the landing zone. It is the next opportunity. We might tune this action up even further by seeking precision about which protocols they might try.
It is worth noting we want to create some flexibility too. In this example, the person setting the action has room to manoeuvre and be creative with what protocols seem to fit.
A third attribute is an audience involved in the action. Who are you helping? Who is involved?
Connection to people helps us to add further accountability beyond the coaching and feedback loop. We can gain valuable feedback from this audience and understand the immediate result of our actions.
In our example, we identified the Y9 parent audience, but this might also be our peers who witness this work.
We might ask:
Who could you share this action with from your team to help you reflect? Who can sit back and notice the impact of this action and offer you some critique? How will you get some feedback about the protocols from the parents?
All of these clarifying questions fine-tune the action to suit the people we want to help and increase precision,
We will be more effective at setting actions when we consider our impact at a system level.
Consider your perspective and how dialogue zooms out at the right moments to take in the broader vista.
When I think about precision, which we are trying to increase, I relate it with accuracy, which is only a tiny lexical leap to narrow.
Increase precision and system awareness. Precision without system awareness will lead to alleyways of change and isolated growth.
Shifting perspectives is the great challenge of self-improvement and holistic development. To balance the precise actions with a broader lens on the systems we belong to.
Scott Adams, the creator of the Dilbert cartoon, explains the limits of goal setting.
Goals are better than acting randomly, obviously. But goals are limiting in the sense that there might be far better outcomes you don’t foresee. ~ Scott Adams
We might use fuzzy goals to counter this. They provide a direction of travel, and the precise actions we set creates momentum.
Fuzzy goals must give a team a sense of direction and purpose while leaving team members free to follow their intuition. ~ Dave Gray
Fuzzy goals, responsive action setting and course corrections respond to the available information. They balance a sense of direction and freedom to explore.
The process of moving toward the goal is also a learning process, sometimes called successive approximation. As the team learns, the goals may change, so it’s important to stop every once in awhile and look around. Fuzzy goals must be adjusted, and sometimes completely changed, based on what you learn as you go.
Effective action setting connects with a general compass point or bearing (goal) — but they do not limit us to explore off the trail.
An essential attribute of Fuzzy Goal setting is the flexibility to adapt in response to change. As soon as we take action, the context and perspective have shifted.
Effective action planning and coaching are responsive to these changing conditions. Here is Scott Adams again; this time, he guides us to think bigger.
Your best bet is to have a system for acquiring new and complementary skills over your lifetime while always looking for better opportunities. It’s analogous to diversifying your investments. Having a single goal is like putting all of your money in one stock; it might work out, but the odds aren’t great.
Here is James Clear with some further thoughts on the value of systems, not just goals.
goals are good for planning your progress and systems are good for actually making progress. Goals can provide direction and even push you forward in the short term, but eventually, a well-designed system will always win. Having a system is what matters. Committing to the process is what makes the difference.
But what do they mean by a system? An example from James Clear.
If you’re a musician, your goal might be to play a new piece. Your system is how often you practice, how you break down and tackle difficult measures, and your method for receiving feedback from your instructor.
Let’s have a go at this for some different roles in an education setting:
If you are a Year 6 teacher, your goal might be to improve the quality of feedback you provide for writing in English. Your system is how often you practice, the professional learning you can draw from, the teams of colleagues working with you, the networks you tap into for inspiration, and your understanding of what works in your context.
If you are a school leader, your goal is to improve your strategic planning and development. Your system is how often you practice, the team you collaborate with, the models of effective practice you engage with, the process of change, the feedback loops you establish, the ways you increase your empathy and connection to the community.
If you are a Year 10 student, your goal is to get to the holidays and get through another week of zooms. Your system is the connections you maintain with your friends, the counteracting joy you get from play, the way you organise your tasks for this final week, the reliance on the teachers you connect with the most.
In this context, Scott Adams and James Clear refer to a personal development system made of many facets. Over time a system approach is likely to be more resilient than a single narrow A to B goal, to the changing nature of our environment.
To improve the likelihood of action, we need to align the next step to the existing system. Innovation theory is analogous to taking action after a coaching session.
In the diffusion theory, Everett Rogers explains that Compatability is a characteristic that innovation needs to succeed.
the degree to which the innovation is perceived as being consistent with existing values, past experiences, and needs of potential adopters. An innovation must be considered socially acceptable to be implemented. And some innovations require much time and discussion before they become socially acceptable.
Let us head back into that Year 9 Parent workshop for a moment. The action that we set was:
Start next Tuesday’s Y9 parent workshop with some expectations and meeting protocols.
Is this compatible with the existing system? What typically happens in a parent workshop? Does this align with the experience of the audience? How likely is this idea to be accepted by the group of parents? How can we adapt our actions and ambition?
These are all helpful questions to consider as we establish the following steps and on reflection afterwards. They help us to ground our ideas for change in the reality of our context.
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Coaching is often characterised by emergent thinking, exploring options and new pathways. It is a potent mix when we balance this safe dialogue and the co-design of actions with more agency, precision, and system connections.
This quote from Marie Forleo resonates.
Clarity comes from action, not thought.
Marie Forleo
Yes, immerse yourself in dialogue and coaching, but eventually, you have to have the courage to act.
It might only need a few seconds of courage, but acting with intent will help you learn and grow.
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Thanks to 愚木混株 Cdd20 for the illustrations.
